Doubling Down, Owning Up

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. Actually it's "The Nile", dumbasses. But I'll blog about our colossal stupidity some other time. They say that denial is one of the five stages of grief, as if it's some kind of fleeting condition that comes and goes depending on our level of trauma.

No. It's a constant. Many people can't get through a second of their waking lives without it.

Humans are probably unique in their tendency to make a decision which will improve their quality of life, and then immediately do the opposite. I once went into my health club in early January and saw a huge number of people I'd never seen before on treadmills. I asked the hot girl at the desk where the hell all these people came from, and she said "New Year's resolutions. The last of 'em will be gone in another month, and we won't see 'em until next January."

It's uncanny how we rebel against our own minds. We've all been there. You decide to drop two waist sizes, and you really mean it this time. But the same brain that made that decision will, hours later, decide to eat a greasy cheeseburger and Twinkies. And while you're doing it, you're thinking, I know, I know, I said I'll eat right... and I will. Starting with the next meal. And you know you're lying to yourself, but you're sorta cool with it.

Now there's this new thing called the Double Down. This is the kind of "food" that inspires documentaries. It tastes like Pure Evil. The good kind. I know this because I ate one. Before it came out, I read about it. Over 500 calories and more than half a day's worth of fat grams. My brain sent those mixed signals. It said, Oh hell no, you are not gonna eat one of those! and then it said, Come on, yes you are, and you know it.

I don't like denial, but I would be in denial to say I don't have that particular condition. I wonder if it's there for some useful reason. Maybe it serves some function, to weed out the losers, to allow only the best to rise to the top, to lead truly fulfilling lives.

We are all in some kind of denial, or most of us anyway. Let me own up to it. Only then can I move forward in spite of it. I made the decision to eat that crap, knowing it was bad for me, but also knowing that eating it doesn't erase the realization of my dreams and aspirations.

Denial has altered my life dramatically, but I'm determined to not let it win in the end. It's a matter of letting your smart brain rule just a little more than your crazy brain. Then one day, when most Americans are weighing in at over 350 lbs., I'll be strutting along, healthy and happy.

And drop dead anyway.

If denial doesn't kill you, something else will.